Miracles

Our last sweet babe, is about to turn one. I remember the days when I used to think that babies came when you wanted them to; in a certain season, a certain month, or that you could even pick how many kids you were going to have. Then, you slowly realize that God may have a different plan for you, but it’s going to be even better, if you can just trust him, and hang on for the ride. I’m about to share with you, a letter I sat down and wrote to Charlie for when she’s a bit older, wiser, and may have questions...... To my sweet Charlie Fae- I bet you always wondered why we decided to name you Charlie. Your dad choose it really, we had it picked out long before you were created. We always said, boy or girl, “it’s” name will be Charlie. Your dads name is Derik Charles, so this was our way of you, having a piece of your daddy’s name. Now that we know you, and your personality, Charlie Fae is the perfect fit for you. It took approximately 2 years for us to have you. From start, to holding you in our arms for the first time. It took a lot of doctors, a lot of science, some extraordinary miracles, and a lot of praying and support, to get you here, but man, was it so worth it. I remember when your dad and I sat down with a male doctor and a female psychologist at Colorado Advanced Redproductive Medicine (a fertility clinic) for the first few times. I think we shed a few tears, were a bit confused, overwhelmed, and wanted to make sure we choose the “right” path. For us, for you, and for your sisters. I was able to get pregnant, and your dad has awesome sperm (he’s probably laughing out loud right now), but our 2 genetic makeups combined, aren’t healthy. With Zoie having so many needs, and us taking a chance with Ivie and just praying she would be healthy, we knew for the 3rd little blessing, we needed some doctors help. As your dad and I sat there with the doctor and psychologist, they blantently laid out 3 options for us to have another baby. Option 1-IVF, where embryos would be made and tested from my eggs and Derik’s sperm, then the healthy ones would be implanted. Option 2-donor egg, where embryos would be made from Derik’s sperm and an egg donor and implanted. Option 3-donor sperm, where donor sperm would be placed into my uterus, where then my body would hopefully take over from there to make its own embryo. Your dad and I decided to do IUI, which is donor sperm, to create you. It took us a while to make sure this was the right choice for everyone involved. At the time, I remember asking, and questioning God, “are we making the right decision? Is this what is best for our family?” I think one day, something just clicked. It’s almost as if God told both your dad and I, at the same time, that this was the right decision and we could move forward. We got to choose a unanimous sperm donor, who resembled your dad, and even had the same career and goals. I would be lying to everyone if I didn’t say that this part of the process, it was hard. As a married couple, you want to be able to have a baby the “normal” way. It took a lot of praying, and talking to each other, to be at peace and 100 percent comfortable with our decision. After 12 months of driving to Denver, 3-4 times a month, giving myself 22 shots, having friends and family go with for support, and being on our very last try, before we were out of money, out of trying, and emotionally exhausted, God created you, in my womb, just as we were about to give up. You were finally in my tummy, a tiny, incredible miracle, who would be named after your daddy. When you were born, in that OR, we had the best OBGYN, me, your dad, and lots of nurses. You were the first baby we didn’t have whisked away from us, the first baby I got to snuggle on my face, as your dad held you proudly. You see, it takes a special kind of man, a special kind of husband, and a special kind of daddy, to fully accept that his beautiful baby girl, may not have his genetic makeup, but none of that matters, he’s 100 percent your daddy, and I saw that the minute he held you right out of my tummy. I love him so much more today, and after that experience, than I did before. You, Charlie Fae, are one lucky little girl, to have such an amazing daddy. When I saw you for the first time on November 29th, I knew that God had led us down that path for a reason, because it brought us you. You were and are perfect. I used to think I knew what a miracle was, but you have taught me a whole new meaning to that word. I will always say, God had a hand in this, which is why you look so much like your daddy and Ivie, as we approach your first birthday. Don’t ever stop believing in miracles baby girl, because you are one.