A letter to my daughter on your first day, of your first year of school.

I remember when you were born, 4 very short years ago. School wasn't even in your dad and I's minds. It's almost as if we forgot that when you have a child, part of them growing up is sending them off to school. You would think this would have crossed my mind being an Elementary Ed Grad, but we were so caught up in the now, and making sure we took our lives day by day, that no, school never came up. We decided to keep you home for your first year of preschool, due to your Cystic Fibrosis and learning delays. We wanted to strengthen your immune system an extra year, keep working on home therapies to help your brain development, speech, and muscle movement. You also had a very special friend at home to learn and grow with you; your baby sister Ivie. The last year you two have taught each other so much, she has pushed you, and you have pushed her. I'm so thankful we kept you home for that extra year! We have found a great preschool for you! It's called the Monroe Early Childhood Center. You will be placed in what's called the ILC classroom, Intensive Learning Classroom. This was decided when we went for an evaluation, a very intimidating evaluation at that, last Spring. Some teachers, nurses, and therapists watched you play and interact for an hour, along with us telling them about your diagnosis. We talked about your Microcephaly which had caused Epilepsy and CP, your significant learning delays, and your Cystic Fibrosis. We all made the decision that the ILC classroom was best fit for you and your needs. Your classroom only has 6 students and 3 adults. 2 of whom are teachers, and always 1 therapist. Your dad and I are only sending you 2 of the 4 days. We don't want to push your activity level and up that seizure chance anymore than what it's already at. 6 hours to start out sounds perfect for you and your needs. As we go through this whole process, I'm constantly thinking that, "what is best for Zoie's needs?" It's so easy to get caught up in what's best for your dad and I, or Ivie, or the classroom. When it comes to your preschool though, it's what's best for you. You start in a little less than a week. We got to meet your teacher, Miss Amy. She's amazing. She's the type of teacher I always pictured you having if we sent you to school. She has already taken the time to learn about you, although there's still lots more to learn, and she promised us you would be safe. It's going to take weeks, maybe even months for them to know the in's and out's of you. That's a risk your dad and I are willing to take though because we know how much you will radiate, being at school. Some of these kiddos may become your best friends, and some of these parents may become your dad and I's biggest support. I'm excited to see you excel and show us how much you can grow and learn despite the odds stacked against you. I'm excited to see those crafts come home in your backpack, and sit down at your first teacher conference. I'm excited to see other kids help you, see you swing in your classroom swing, and see you be social at the lunch table even if you can't eat the food. I'm excited because we were told you may not live past 3, so for you to be starting preschool, is a huge, huge milestone. I'm so excited for you sweet girl, but I'm also scared. I have teared up a few times the last few weeks, but I'm doing better than I thought, well, maybe? I'm scared that you will pull your feeding tube out and it will get infected. I'm scared you will throw a toy because of your lack of control and I'll get a call from an angry parent. I'm scared you will have a seizure and they won't handle it the way "mom" does and that 911 will show up and I'll have to rush to the hospital. I'm scared of you catching a nasty cough and us being sent to Childrens for weeks to get rid of it. I'm scared to miss you, and I'm scared to not be in control of you like I have been for the last 4 years. I'm just scared, and as im writing this im crying....... But, look at that list my sweet girl. Look how many things we have to Be excited about. I can't promise that I won't be "that" mom, the mom who is overly involved and is volunteering every other week in your class, and emailing your teachers to see how you're progressing, but I will promise that your dad and I will always do what's best for you, even if it's hard on us. Right now, that's preschool. My prayer for you is that we can take it one day at a time together and hopefully we make it the whole year. My sweet Zoie Rae, go shine your light and show this world what you're made of. Love you Rae of Sunshine.