Life as we know it

Does anyone else get the Sunday Blues when Christmas is all over and you're taking your stuff down saying, " sheesh that went fast! Now what?" I do. And it happens every single year. Although, it would have helped if our snow would have come a little sooner rather than these 50 and 60 degree temps. That didn't help make it feel like Christmas one bit. I'm a Christmas lover. Lover isn't even the right word. I eat, live, and breath Christmas for as long as I possibly can, or as long as my husband will let me. It makes me feel cozy inside! As I went through Starbucks today to order an Eggnog latte, they said they were out for the season..... How are they already out before New Years is even here? I have the lady grief at the window! It's like they were excited to get their red cups out of there along with their eggnog or something. Ha. My family had a beautiful Christmas. It was perfect. I was such a nervous wreck leading up to to because it's always a r...

November is usually the start of the holidays for us. We used to wait until almost Thanksgiving, but since having kids, it's necessary to start much earlier! I'm sure my husband would agree ;) With that, I'm leaving you with my most favorite things about the month of November. Christmas movies! If it were my choice, we would watch them all day everyday. The music, the happy endings, and how they make you feel all fluttery inside. Some of our favorites are Home alone 1 & 2, the Grinch, Christmas Story, Elf, Miracle on 34th street, and Christmas with the Kranks. Starbucks holiday drinks and the red cups! Pretty much, it's Christmas in a cup! Traditions: we love traditions that start in November! One we started three years ago was hosting Thanksgiving at our house. It's nice to have the girls at home and be able to cook for everyone. A new tradition we started this year was inviting our family with Turkey Tickets. Each person must fill out their ticket with ...

Derik and I raise money for Cystic Fibrosis year around. We have never raised money for epilepsy. Let me tell you why. CF is easier for us to deal with than epilepsy is. I'm not comfortable with epilepsy yet, even after seeing my daughter struggle with seizures for three years. We avoid it, because it's a touchy subject. But, with that said, November is Epilepsy awareness month, and in honor of my sweetest Zoie, since Nov has 30 days, I give to you 30 things we, not everyone, has experienced with seizures and epilepsy. I'm hoping this helps me by opening up a little about a "not so easy" subject, and that it let's you all into our world a bit. With this, be kind to the families, friends, and people who struggle with epilepsy on a daily basis. It's not easy. *Zoie had her first seizure when she was 2.5 months old *She was originally diagnosed with meningitis *at 4 months she was diagnosed with microcephaly or small head which was now the cause of her epi...

Halloween is a few days away and it's one of our favorite days of the year at our house! We love being in a friendly neighborhood with lots of fun houses and kiddos to go visit. We have run into a problem the last two years with Zoie though and her basket full of candy; she can't eat it. Not because she is allergic of has allergies, but because she has scensory issues with chewing foods and is also what we call a tubie :) Zoie eats puréed foods only during the day, and gets tube fed at night. When Zoie was 9 months old and so tiny, we along with her CF team make the decision that literally saved her life. We would have doctors place a GJ tube to the left of her belly Button that we could use to pump extra calories in her, rehydrate her when she is sick with water, and put her meds in her morning and night. She wouldnt be alive without it. When we heard through a friend that people were participating in the Teal Pumpkin Project for kiddos with food allergies, it only made sens...

I don't do this often. But sometimes if I write, it's my release and then I can move forward. If I don't write, I get a type of writers block where it sticks with me and I can't move forward. So I'm going to be real for a bit. I'm going to write down my feelings and be vulnerable and trust for no one to judge, or feel sorry for me. I can't promise you won't cry, but I can promise this is me being honest and real. If you know me, you know I'm a very positive person. But if you know me really well, you have seen me break. You have seen me cry, say that I'm not strong all the time, and say I need a hug. I'm actually really thankful I do these things. If I didn't, I wouldn't be human. I'll start by saying this. And excuse my language. Seizures fucking suck. I have wanted to say that for a long time. It doesn't mean I'm not Christian, it's the truth. They will suck the life out of you. They are unpredictable. They are sca...

September has flown by here at the Cissell household! I didn't even know Labor Day had passed (honestly!) so apparently I haven't been present for September. September means Fall time in our home! Our favorite season :) It's so much easier to do stuff with the girls, because it's not too hot, or too cold yet! We love Fall! Our sweet Ivie Mae is experiencing her first Fall :) She has quite a bit of body fat, so the temperature drops haven't affected her much! She turned 6 months yesterday. For a second I wanted to sob and feel sorry for myself that I no longer have a tiny baby anymore, but she is so much fun right now and the sweetest, so no need to feel sad ;) I can tell for the first time that she was born early. She isn't quiet doing what other six month olds are doing, but me of all people knows to not compare! She is working on sitting, but tumbles forward Everytime, she has found her tootsies, she is still sleeping solid in her crib every night, she is sc...

Today when we woke up, I was quite excited to take part in A PT session with my Zoie today! We took the past three weeks off, because of sickness, and the four naps a day we were taking, so today, we were ready to hit it hard! We did some sitting, kneeling, standing in our stander, standing with leg braces, and rocking on hands and knees. Lots to squeeze into one hour. To be honest, Zoie hasn't used her stander since we moved. As we put her in it, we noticed her head was about four inches above the head support, her legs didn't need strapped in because she was standing fine without them, and the waist strap was now at hips. All wonderful problems to have! We will just need to work on adjusting it a bit since Zoie has apparently grown a ton over the summer! It was neat to see what a little/big person she looked like in it. It was also pretty neat to undo a few straps and see her still weight bare. I do my best at playing with Zoie, at teaching her, working with her hands, stand...

It occurred to me that having a baby the second time around was going to be different as I was talking to our family pediatrician for one of Zoie's well exams before Ivie was thought of. It would be different because each child has their own plan that God has already designed for them. Some are here to teach us something, some are here to test our patience, some are here to change us, some are here to bring us sleepless nights, while others are here because we need to learn to be giving and what it means to give up our selfishness. I feel like I have been blessed with all of the above, with both of my mini's. When Zoie was going through her baby stage, it was our normal. Whatever she did, or didn't do, well, that's what we got used to. She was able to hold her head up at a month, she was petite and stayed in NB clothes through 3 months, she hated breast feeding starting at 4 months, then hated her bottle, she never learned to sit on her own until recently, she smiled a...

I have been meaning to do a blog for weeks, but something about moving and having two peanuts has distracted me ;) sheesh, where to start? So much new stuff is happening! Out family got moved and we are somewhat settled. I feel like living in a home is an ongoing project of "to do's." I think there are about 400 thinks I would love to do, but they can all wait. We love our new home. I have discovered having hard wood floors will leave your knees, feet, and back aching by the end of the day, but as long as Zoie can cruise in her walker I figure my pain is worth it. Maybe I need to invest in slippers :) Derik and I just celebrated four years of marriage together. Fastest four years I would say. I never thought we would be where we are four years ago, a few homes, two beautiful girls, and about 100 years more wise and mature here we stand! I love that man :) he makes me proud. Speaking of my handsome husband, he is part of an event or group this year for CF called Colorad...

I'm sure everyone thinks I am one of "those" people who share too much on Facebook, when we are in the hospital, when we have family pictures, Derik got a promotion! Okay at least I can make fun of myself ;) By me sharing, and letting people into our world, we have support, we have more love, and we have come across some very humble and caring people who will forever have an impact on our small little world. One gal I came across is Cheryl. Derik was actually connected to her family by mutual friends, I saw her post something about Cystic Fibrosis one day and decided to "friend" her. Through our Facebook friendship, I learned a pot about her. She too has grown to know the girls and sent Zoie a cute "65 roses" necklace. Today we got to meet Cheryl. Both girls and I went and spent some time with her and her mama, and I tell you, I have never met a "stranger" who opened up her heart, showed love for Zoie, and was so sweet. Cheryl had a daughte...

You really never know what a mom does until you are one. Derik and I are always having the conversation of, "I'm so glad you love to work," and "I'm so glad you like staying home." We balance each other in that way, he is career driven, and I'm family driven. It's a nice combo. His new job is going wonderfully! He even told me it was his favorite position thus far (it better be because I'm not moving out of state anytime soon) ;) And our home life, well it's just as wonderful, just crazy... By crazy I mean each day is so different and you don't know what you're going to get. I think we tend to create some of the craziness oursves, by filling up our weekends with friends and family, but that's how we create memories, so we will take the crazy. For some reason Mondays are always a bit more crazy. Maybe it's the "daddy went back to work" feeling, or the "we have so much to get done this week" feeling, but...

Someone posted this article on my Facebook page. As I sat and read it, I knew all too much what this family was talking about. As we work on getting Zoie on the waiting list for the medical marijuana minus the THC, all you can do is be patient, trust God and pray. Although this boy has a little more severe diagnosis, this is what we go through on a weekly basis believe it or not. I wouldn't be able to sit down and write this, so here is a snippet of what happens in the life of an epileptic. http://www.5280.com/healthandwellness/magazine/2014/04/tangled-web?page=full

Having two kiddos is a whole different ball game, so excuse my excuse for not blogging for a while ;) It's such a blessing to all be under the same roof, and we now have an almost three-year-old, in one month, and a one-month-old! Where the heck does time go??!! Ivie is such a good baby. I mean really really good! We are fortunate. Although that has some time to change. She is going to be a chunk here soon! Already out of her preemie clothes, newborn stuff is still a bit big, but that girl loves to eat! She weighed in at 6.3 lbs at her one month and is growing like a weed. I had a hard mommy moment, or week, really, last week when I made the decision to stop pumping. It makes me mad when people judge about breast milk/bottle fed babies. There is no right answer. It's what works for you. So I had pumped every three hours for 30 days straight for 20 min each time. Do the math. That's a lot of pumping. I didn't mind the pumping, but after 16 days and Ivie being home, I w...

Derik went back to work today... He was ready :) I was ready to get Zoie and I back on track as well. My body has healed well from surgery, although it's not used to being up every three hours at night pumping... I feel the affects when Zoie wakes us up at 6 am ready for the day! We had a busy day with a morning nap, a trip to Greeley to go meet sister for the first time and take her car seat to the nicu, a long walk to enjoy the beautiful weather, a second nap, now I get to "room in" with Ivie for the night! Back tracking a bit, Ivie is doing wonderful! The nurses are calling her a smarty pants :) she got her feeding tube pulled, and has taken all of her formula by bottles for 24 hours now! She is up to 4.14 lbs, and her umbilical cord fell off yesterday. The nurses wanted her car seat out there so they can put her in it periodically and make sure her stats stay up at a different angle. The reason I am "rooming in" with her is because we will be bringing her h...

This time last week I was anxiously sitting in my hospital room all alone, I wanted it that way, praying, watching Greys, and resting knowing we would be welcoming our second blessing the next morning. It's amazing how much can happen in a week! Ivie is back up and passing her birth weight @ 4.11, her IV is out, she is in "room air" so no more incubator, and her temp is staying up without the warmth. She now only has one tube; the feeding tube down her tiny nose, where she is getting 32cc's every 3 hours. She has attempted breast feeding twice and managed to succle out a few cc's then falls asleep. She is offered one bottle every 12 hours... And guess what she did today?! She guzzled down 34cc's in 20 min! The nurse was so excited to call and tell us. They said to not expect it every day, but now we know she can when she is awake enough, and hungry enough. She is a rock star! I have been spending about three hours with her everyday just snuggling her and gi...

I am going to try to do short blog entries a few days a week to keep everyone updated on Ivie and Zoie, well and Derik and I. Short and sweet will do :) Ivie was born Friday March 28th via c section at 11:22 am weighing 4.10 and 18. Inches long. She was 33 weeks 5 days. We have learned size doesn't matter, maturity does. For the first three days she was on an oxygen pump to help expand her lungs. They weren't quite mature enough. She also got an IV right away in her foot for vitamins and fluids. She was then placed in an incubator for warmth and oxygen flow. When we left the hospital yestrrday(Sunday) she has already improved. She was off the oxygen pump so her lungs are working all on their own. Her IV did get moved from her foot to her head. This looks scary, but it's actually very common in preemies and doesn't hurt her. She got her first feeds started Saturday through a mouth feeding tube which they switched out Sunday to a nose feeding tube. When we called last ...

The last week has been a whirl wind for our family. Just when you say "that was the hardest thing I have ever done," usually something trumps that. At least it does with our family. Zoie had surgery one week ago from Friday and everything went smoothly. She had a VNS implanted for seizures. She was in surgery for about three hours, then recovery for about three. The hardest part for me was watching them put her under and having to walk away. Luckily they took good care of her, and she is healing wonderfully! She had her first ramp up appt to slowly turn on the device Friday and the appt went well. We have noticed a few changes in her since Friday like some irritability, she is having difficulty rolling, and makes funny sounds. Tomorrow we will call to make sure these are normal side effects and that everything is okay. It's always hard when it's something new and you haven't experienced it before. Her incision site looks phenomenal! She is my rock star! Last Sun...

For some reason I have been asked about five times this week what I do. Usually I have a simple response, "I'm a stay-at-home mom :) when you get asked this over and over, you kinda get creative! I start saying things like, " well, I stay home with my little girl. We do therapies, run errands, clean, oh and I sleep a lot because I'm growing a baby." Then you have someone who says, " don't you get bored?" Don't ever ask a mom this. This week I have really felt the pressure of "being a mom." I know I always do my best, and I also know I'm a good mom and wife, and no, I never get bored! While prepping for Zoies surgery, and growing a baby, and nesting, and trying to be a good wife, all this week, I have taken a lot of down time to sit, pray, and reflect. Sometimes we all need to do this to be reminded what's important and what we can let go of. Our schedule was filled today through April with all of our post op appts for Zoies...

I have been postponing blogging about this for a while now, trying to push it to the side, but we all have to face "life" at some point and this is one of those steps. Derik and I were waiting for a sign as to if we should pull the trigger and do Zoies surgery now or wait. I knew we wouldn't schedule it until we knew we were doing the right thing. Two days after we asked God for a sign, we were in the er for IV fluids for Zoie because of all day seizures which led to throw up and dehydration. This was our sign; help Zoie have as little seizures as possible. She will be getting VNS surgery Friday March 14th. We are ready to get it done and over with. We are also not looking forward to sitting in a waiting room For hours.   I'm still contemplating on what we will do for that time, no I will not be able to sit and read as someone suggested. We show up at 9. She will get an hour long physical. We have an hour break, then checkin for surgery is at 11. Starting at 1 she ...

Isn't it funny how when we are in middle school and high school all we want to do is grow up. Now that Im grown up, sometimes it would be nice to be a kid again. Have your biggest worry be what to wear the next day, or what place you may take at your track meet. I have never been good at making decisions. I always look for a sign. Sometimes it's there. Other times you don't get a sign and you use your best judgement and pray you made the right decision. Before talking about todays appts we had for Zoies seizures ill explain something. Zoie has epilepsy . She has epilepsy because her brain is built differently than ours. She has a smaller brain than we do. Sometimes her seizures are under control. Sometimes she has one a month . Other times she has them off and on for 24 hours straight. That's when my sweet friends know I need a coffee because Im stuck in my jammies and cant leave the house. It could always be worse, and luckily, Zoies are almost always under control....

As my C-section date approaches, yes we still have three months, but Ivie could come early, and as we think more about Zoie going in for the VNS surgery, my mind keeps wandering and making these lists of things I want to tell Zoie about.  Im not a fan of surgery.  In fact it is terrifying to me. I thought before she went in for surgery, if she does, and before I do, I would take some time to jot down some things I want my little girl to know about life.  I would usually write these thoughts in her baby book, but that baby book stopped at age two :) Your dad and I think it's pretty special to have a little girl.  Im sure we would have loved a little boy, but you make having a little girl extra special. All those times I don't answer my phone during the day, Im probably napping with you.  I don't care if you're supposed to be in your crib or in a bed for every nap.  It's you and I's bonding time and I love it! I love to kiss your feet.  You think i...